Fic: You Could Be My Sanctuary

[dephigravity]

The room is all but silent, the only sound coming from the soft scratching of pencils on paper as the art students sketch. Surprisingly, especially given the subject matter, the giggles and lewd comments are at a minimum. Though, a few choice ones have slipped out, making Jensen smile to himself as he grades Sam's Art History exams.

After a while, Jensen looks up from his papers and tries to avoid looking directly at the nearly naked man and woman sitting in the middle of the room. It's a futile effort and he can't help but to give in; he eyes the man's ankle and then slowly lets them travel up to tight line of muscles of his thigh.

Already feeling that all-too-familiar twitch in his groin, he crosses his legs and prays Sam won't ask him for anything soon. He lets his eyes linger at the man's navel, watching the slow breaths push the muscles in and out in an intoxicating rhythm.

Which is exactly the second Jared clears his throat and wipes his graphite stained thump over Jensen's nose. He jerks his head back, combined shock of contact and being caught staring snapping him back to reality.

"Dude," he fusses and tries to brush off the black smear with his sleeve. "What was that for?"

"I wanted your opinion and you weren't answering," Jared says nonchalantly, no longer looking at him. His brow furrows as he glares down at his own artwork, obviously unimpressed with himself.

Jared then shoves his sketch in front of Jensen, not making any mention of Jensen's ogling of the model-- thank god-- if he even noticed to begin with. As smart as he is, observation doesn't seem to be one of Jared's stronger points.

"Does the shading look okay? It seems kinda dark to me," Jared asks. Jensen can tell he's not used to being good at something, it's written across his face and in the way his voice falters slightly.

So, Jensen looks down at the sketch and has to bite his lip to prevent his gut reaction from blurting out. Trying to choose his words carefully, he grits his teeth and places his fingers delicately along the edges of the sketchbook.

"Um, okay. Jared? Ya know how you have all those different pencils, that's for a reason. Here-" Jensen says as nicely as he can muster.

He leans across the table, brushing lightly against Jared in the process--which is so not helping him in his current state. He picks up a few different pencils and flips to an empty page of Jared's book. "Okay, see how each pencil is marked with a number and letter? B is for the softer ones and H for the harder ones and the higher the number the more extreme the shade."

Jensen scribbles a few lines on the paper with each pencil, a progression of shades down the page.

"So, I probably shouldn't have started with the darkest one, huh? God, I suck at this art stuff," Jared sighs and drops his head onto the desk, his hair fanning out over the wood as he looks up at Jensen with a pout.

"C'mon now, you don't suck. You're new to this, it's called learning for a reason, man. Here, lemme show ya."

Jensen hurries to sketch the outline of the man's leg, then pauses to nudge Jared to get him to sit up and pay attention. Jared straightens up, groaning as he tries to focus.

"Alright, look at the top of his leg, you want to either leave that alone or just do really light lines. Now at the bottom of his leg it gets darker," Jensen says and points with the end of his pencil. "Use a slightly darker shade and instead of grinding the pencil down, do the same type of lines I did up there but then cross 'em."

"So, kinda like X's?"

"Exactly! The more lines you add the darker it will seem. And if you change the direction of the lines you can change the shape of the shading. It's easy," Jensen says, pushing the sketch book back to him.

"You make it look so easy." Jared looks up at the model and then back to the sketch, like he's trying to understand the correlation, scrunches his lips in confusion. "You should teach, man. You'd be great at it."

Jensen sighs. "Maybe someday, gotta make it through this place first."

Jared looks like he's about to ask Jensen something when the bell rings.

Jensen grumbles, then hurries to grab the stack of tests. He checks to make sure he's safe to stand before heading up to Sam's desk; he hands her the stack and is halfway down the hallway when Jared catches up to him.

Falling in line alongside him, Jared grips the straps of his bag tightly and says, "Hey, I was wondering-- and you can totally say no-- but back to that teaching thing. Um, would you maybe mind helping me with this art thing? If you can't tell, I'm kinda struggling."

The question takes Jensen off guard and he nearly trips over his own feet for a second. That same sad-eyed look he had at the lunch table is starting to edge across Jared's face, but this time it's different. Almost like he's ashamed to ask for help and Jensen already knows what his answer's going to be before he can say anything. "Why?"

"I just," Jared starts and then pauses, concentration wrinkling his forehead. "I just want help with it. Your help."

"I get that, but why? It's not like your ability matters that much. I mean, art is completely subjective and Sam knows that and she grades that way. You show the effort and you’ll get an A easy."

"Still. Help me out, please? You want me to grovel, I will totally grovel. Plus, maybe we can get a chance to hang. Just you 'n me."

"Hang?" Jensen looks at him, raising his eyebrow suspiciously.

"C'mon, whaddaya say?" Jared reaches out and grabs him by the elbow, stopping both of them and turning Jensen to look at him. Students brush by them on both sides as they stand in the middle of the hallway.

It only takes Jensen a second or two to resign himself. "Fine," he sighs, his shoulders slumping slightly as he wonders what he just got himself into. The five minute warning bell rings causing the bustle in the hallway to pick up even more.

"Seriously? Oh my god, this is gonna be awesome! Thank you, man." Jared beams and crushes Jensen in one very over-exuberant bear hug and lifting him onto his tip toes.

Jensen's breath comes out in between gasps as he tries to bring his hands up in between to push Jared away. He can feel his own sense of excitement's growing again and he sure as hell doesn't want Jared to find out about that just right now. Luckily, it's Jared that pulls away first.

"Sweet! Friday, my dorm, say seven?" he asks, his smile digging deep into his cheeks, showcasing his dimples.

"Uh, sure? Sound's great." Straightening his jacket, Jensen refuses to look up at him.

Jared spins and charges down the hall, shouting, "It's a date!" as he rounds the corner to his next class

Jensen is left standing in the middle of the hallway, almost empty now. He blinks blankly at the space Jared had just occupied, mouth agape as he tries to decipher those last words. "Wait-- date? What the hell just happened?" he asks to himself, scratching the back of his head and making his cowlicks even worse.


— § —


An hour's worth of whining to Danneel had convinced Jensen to stop over-thinking things with Jared. It also had served as one huge platform for Danneel's none too subtle gloating, which Jensen figures he had coming anyway, given the way he had treated her in the library.

Still, he can't help but tense up when Jared sits down at the lunch table. And it doesn't help that Danneel keeps trying to steer the conversation to all things Jensen, like she's now trying to gauge Jared's interest. Jared, for his part, is all too eager to jump in on how talented he thinks Jensen is and how excited he is about the tutoring.

The whole thing is making him feel extremely uncomfortable, so Jensen excuses himself and weaves through the tables and towards the bathroom. He opens and lets the door close behind him, crosses the room to the sink. Grabbing the counter he leans in and looks at his reflection.

"Pull it together, Jensen. He's just a guy and you don't even know if he's gay."

He's wiping a stray smudge of black from his lower eyelid when he sees the door swing open in the mirror. Fuck! He straightens up, every muscle in his body is tense and on guard as Justin comes in and steps behind him.

"Well lookee here. Trying to fix your lipstick, Ackles?"

Jensen doesn't answer, figures that maybe there's an off chance that if he ignores him, Justin will get bored and just leave. So, instead he just reaches over for some paper towel to wipe his hands dry and makes for the door, all without making eye contact. He's greeted by Justin pushing him back towards the sink and the counter digging into his lower back.

"Where you think you're going faggot? Fun's just starting," Justin says as he pulls off his jacket and throws it over the metal partition.

"Look, I know you're all excited to finally get me alone and all-- but I really hate to break this to you, you're just not my type." Jensen pushes himself up off the sink and smirks up at Justin which just works to piss him off even more.

Jensen's bracing for the hit just as the door swings open again, this time it's Jared. The startled look on his face quickly melts to that of the silent rage Jensen had seen in the cafeteria weeks ago.

"Everything alright here, Jen?" he says, Jensen can already see the twitch of vein in his neck and the tightening of his fists.

"'S'fine, Jare. Justin here was just needing the sink." Jensen's sure the lie sounds unconvincing, but he needs to try and diffuse this before Jared ends up doing something that will get him thrown out for sure.

There's a chortle from Justin and he steps to the side to block off Jensen from leaving. "What's the matter, Jenny? Trying to make sure your boyfriend here doesn't lay a hand on me this time?"

"He's not my boyfriend." The words are barely audible through Jensen's clenched teeth.

"Aww, princess. Someday you will find you a prince to... Oof!"

Justin's face is slammed against the wall, his cheeks puckering from the pressure.

"I don't know what your deal is, Hartley, but it ends now! You are never gonna say another word to him. I don't even care if you are forced to ask him something in class, I hear you talking to him and your ass is mine. Got it?" Jared's voice is low and full of venom as he says the words slowly against Justin's ear and digging his finger into his back with each word to accentuate his point.

Jensen watches on, fixed in his spot and unsure what to do as Justin squirms and tries to get away.

"I said," Jared says, shoving him further into the wall. "Got it?"

Outside, the bell rings and the commotion of students grows louder when Justin's body goes lax.

"Got it," he finally spits out, more begrudgingly than anything. His eyes fix on Jensen, almost as if to tell him this is anything but over.

Jared lets him go then reaches over and rips the jacket off the chrome wall and tosses it at Justin. Grabbing it, Justin hurries out of the bathroom, leaving Jensen alone with Jared.
"I'm sorry," Jared says after a few seconds that seem infinitely longer.

"Sorry for what? I'm glad you came in when you did, any day I don't have to visit the nurse and my dad is a good day. Not that I couldn't have handled him myself." Jensen tries to laugh it off to lessen the uneasiness but it's clear Jared already feels ashamed of his actions. "Hey, you okay? Seriously, Jared, thank you. I appreciate the help."

Jensen hesitates but finally reaches out his hand to grab Jared's sleeve. Jared finally looks up, there'a a glint of a tear forming in the corner of each eye. He pulls his arm away and wipes at his face, a soft sniffle is almost drowned out by his jacket sleeve. His demeanor shifts again, closer to his normal bravado as he forces a smile.

"It's just, I don't how you put up with it all. The bullying, the gay jokes. God he's such a clueless asshole," Jared says.

"Clueless?" Jensen asks, not sure he's following Jared's line of thinking.

"Yeah, I mean, just 'cause you're into art and you wear eyeliner, doesn't make you gay. Y'know?" Jared turns away and pushes open the door, holding it open for Jensen. "C'mon, we're gonna be late for class."

The knot in Jensen's stomach makes him want to run to the closest stall and hurl. Jesus, he doesn't know?

It's never dawned on him that Jared wouldn't know, everyone here knows. And now he's gonna have to tell him himself. As if coming out the first time wasn't hard enough, coming out to the guy he likes is twenty times worse-- especially given that he isn't sure about Jared's feelings or sexuality to begin with.

Jared's urging him to hurry up again, so Jensen slumps his shoulders and walks past him. Nervous as hell, Jensen fights the compulsion to run and forces himself to just say it. "Jared? He-- Justin, I mean. He wasn't exactly wrong." Jensen's walking slowly, eyes nearly closed with Jared at his side and purposefully not trying to gauge his reaction.

"About?" Jared asks as he tugs his bag higher on his shoulder.

"I'm... gay, Jared. Sorry, I thought you knew."

"Oh," Jared says, his stride slowing to a snail's pace."I, uh. I didn't know."

Jensen's failing to read him and he lets his head drop. "I just assumed, y'know. It's not exactly a secret here." Jensen lifts his head, finally finding the courage to look him in the eye.

The corner of Jared's lip lifts in a warm smile as he reaches out and grabs Jensen's arm and squeezes. "It's cool, man. I'm cool, It's just a... surprise."

Jensen's not sure how to judge the response, and while it seems honest and sincere enough-- there's something just odd about it. But he doesn't let himself dwell on it and it all but disappears when Jared wraps his arm around his shoulders and tries to convince him that sluffing the rest of the day sounds like the best plan ever.


— § —


It's during Lehne's class on Friday, that Jensen first notices something different about Jared. That welcoming smile he usually flashes him as he walks by is nowhere to be seen. Jared barely says a word to him the entire hour and hurries to say bye before leaving without him when the bell rings.

Jensen tries to push it off as him maybe not getting enough sleep or missing breakfast or something, but the nagging in the back of his mind refuses to let go. It's times like this he wishes he had more classes with Danni because having to wait until lunch to talk to her feels like it's going to kill him.

The hours tick away slower and slower, and he knows he's probably just being melodramatic but god he needs to talk to her. So, when the clock finally strikes 11:30, he's up and out of his chair before Ms. Devine can excuse them.

It's not often that Jensen makes it to their table before Danneel does, so he can tell that he's thrown her off a bit by doing so. She smiles at him skeptically then reaches into her bag to get his daily junk food fix, tosses it to him and sits down. "So. What's up, buttercup? And don't try to do that whole, 'nothing is bothering me crap.'"

He lets the bag of Funyons drop to the table, not even remotely interested in food at this point, frustration, confusion, and worry fighting for superiority in his head. "Jared didn't know," he blurts out, spinning the yellow bag on the table.

"Know what exactly?"

"About me-- the gay thing," he says low so that no one around them can hear.

"How could he not know? And why are we whispering, Jen? It's not like it's a deeply held secret." she teases and leans in close before snapping off a bite of carrot stick.

"I don't know, but he just-- didn't. And now he does and I think he's avoiding me or isn't okay with it, or-- gah! Why does this even matter?" Jensen lays his head on the cool tabletop and shoves the bag away. "God, I just want to punch something, or scream, or-- I just don't know what to do or. Why am I being like this?"


"Because you like him, maybe?" She weaves her fingers through the spikes of his hair, trying her best to soothe him.

"I hate you," he sighs halfheartedly and pushes her hand away.

She kicks him under the table, more playfully than to inflict pain, making him smile. "I highly doubt that Jared is avoiding you, and if he is, I don't think it's because he's uncomfortable about you being gay, Jen. Give him the benefit of the doubt, I'm sure it's nothing."

"I guess." Jensen sits up, and swipes a carrot from her plate. "We're supposed to be hanging out tonight, maybe it isn't such a good idea."

Acting offended, she swats at his hand before getting serious again. "By hanging out you mean...?"

"Nothing, he asked me to help him with his art. I'm supposed to meet him in his dorm at seven. Tell me what I should do, Dan. Do I go or do I bail?"

"Hmm," she says, her eyes looking sideways in concentration.

Jensen sees Jared out of the corner of his eye and before Danneel can answer him, he makes the decision on his own. Pushing his chair away from the table, he grabs his bag and tosses the strap over his chest. "You know what, you see him, you tell him I'm sorry but I don't think I can. I gotta go," he says dismissively and turns away and storms off, ignoring her when he hears her call his name.


— § —


The wind is stronger than normal in the afternoon, making Jensen more cautious as he climbs out the window and onto the roof. The pigeons aren't around-- they never are when the wind's this strong-- so Jensen's alone with nothing but his thoughts and the sound of the air blowing over the shingles.

He looks out over the campus; sees the waves sweeping across the lake to lap harshly against the shore line, the trees bowing and threatening to snap at any second. Overall it fits his mood exactly, restless and unfocused. He picks at a loose sliver of rubber from his shoe’s sole and tosses it to the wind, then leans back against the rough brick wall.

Surprisingly, his dad hasn't sent for him, he usually does when Jensen's skipped classes-- especially after their last talk. Jensen couldn't bring himself to go through another few torturous hours of inane teachers babbling their equations and philosophical nonsense, not today anyway.

This thing with Jared is eating at him nonstop, always at the forefront of his mind but he can't figure out whether to be pissed, worried, or sad. And that only frustrates him more.

The one thing that he does know, even if it's taken him a while to admit to himself, is that he likes Jared. Likes him more than anyone he's ever known. It's more than just one of his celebrity obsessions or a fleeting crush, it's love. And that realization scares him more than anything.

He's tried to close himself off to everyone, even Danni sometimes, but with Jared he finds it harder each day. With just a smile, Jensen can feel the cracks in that armor he's built. Without even trying Jared's managed to become Jensen's very own kryptonite, and the idea of him hating Jensen for something he is and has no control over, is downright crippling.

Jensen's been forced to live most of his life alone and now that he has Danneel and Jared, he's not sure how to even deal with friendship, let alone love or a relationship. Sometimes, he thinks being alone would just be easier.

Jensen's pounding his head dully against the wall; his hair keeps getting caught in the rough rock of the bricks. He hears his name. At first he thinks it's just the wind playing with him, then he feels something slide around his elbow. He jumps, tries hard not to scream and scoots away; he looks back to see Jared hitting his head against the ledge of the window as he pulls his hand away.

"Jared? Jesus, you scared the hell out of me!"

"You did a pretty good job of that yourself. Ow!" Jared whines and rubs the back of his head where it hit the ledge. "What are you doing out here, man? This wind's gonna blow you right off."

Jensen huffs and retakes his spot next to the window. "I'll be fine. What are you doing here, didn't Danni give you my message?" His arms cross, not at all because of how the temperature is dropping with the sun slipping past the horizon. The wind bites at his flesh, goose bumps forming all along his body.


Jared stumbles as he tries to pull himself out the narrow hole, has to grab at Jensen's elbow not to not lean too far forward as he slips out onto the shingles. Once he's out he hurries to cling as close to the wall as possible, which starts to chip away at Jensen. Goddamn kryptonite.

"She did," his words come out uncharacteristically unsure and stuttered as Jared inches further backwards. "She said you couldn't or wouldn't help me, but said I should come talk to you if I wanted to know why."

"Smooth, Danneel," he says, doesn't intend for it to be heard, and with the wind Jared probably doesn't anyway.

"Jen? Could we maybe take this conversation back inside? Y'know, where it's warm and I don't have to worry about plummeting to my death."

"Afraid of heights, huh?" Jensen eyes him, notices how the shadows fall over his face and help outline his jaw in the darkening night. He shuffles down and stands then extends his hand to Jared. "C'mon, hero."

The wind nearly topples Jared when he stands and Jensen has to hurry and grab the wall to steady them; he puts a reassuring hand on the small of Jared's back as he guides him back through the window.

Once Jared is back on the solid ground of the bedroom floor, a wave of tension visibly dissolves from him as he falls to his hands and knees. Jensen shakes his head, hops down from the sill and heads over to his bed, kicks off his shoes and curls up in the corner as he waits for Jared to talk.

It takes Jared a few minutes, mostly filled with nervous laughs and deep breathes, before he can say anything. He looks up, his face reddened by the cutting chill outside. "Okay so where were we?"

"Danneel betraying me by sending you up here to talk?" Jensen says, his words tinged with sarcasm.

"Oh, right," Jared jumps to his feet. "So what's this all about? One minute, you're like cool with it and then you're not? What gives?"

"It's nothing, I just can't, okay? Can't we just leave it at that?" He leans forward and brings his knees to his chest to wrap his arms around them. He does his best to not look directly at Jared-- it's easier that way.

"Yeah, no. We can't. Look, is it something I did or said? Help me out here, Jensen." Jared walks over and sits on the corner of the bed, starts scanning the bookshelves, whistles at the amount of comics spilling off each shelf.

"No, it's just--" The slight taste of blood drips over his tongue and he realizes he's been biting at the corner of his lip. "It's complicated."

"It always is," Jared says, and gives Jensen the "I'm not buying that" look. "Does this have anything to do with that thing with Justin yesterday? I admit, I was totally out of line, and you don't need my help and all, but the punk had it coming." He twists to face Jensen head on and shifts his legs to cross in front of him and ends up sitting on tips of Jensen's toes.

The touch is electric and Jensen tries to pull away but he's backed up as far as he can go. "No, I mean, yes. Guh, I don't know Jared. I just don't know, okay?"

"You don't know why you can't help me draw something better than a sick figure on crack? Right. See, I don't get that at all." Jared reaches forward and places his hand on Jensen's ankle. "This whole thing with you is a façade , isn't it? The eyeliner, the hair, the bad attitude, your seclusion, all these walls you have built up around. C'mon, Jen. Just let me in and talk to me already."

Jared's hand is warm and firm on his leg and Jensen can't help but to focus on where they're connected. There's nothing but silence between them, broken only by the soft squeak from overhead. Jensen looks up to see the tiny tail slip out of view as the mouse darts off to places unknown.

He wants to answer, wants to tell Jared everything he's thinking. Even if that means scaring Jared off for good, but he just can't bring himself to do it. He looks at Jared, sees the deep lines of worry embedded in his forehead and the soft and concerned gleam in his eyes.

"Okay--" Jared begins, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Like what?" Jensen's verbal block dissolves momentarily, lets the beginnings of a smirk to form.

The mood between them shifts, a little less strained when Jared lets out a silent snicker. "You won't know unless you agree to answer. So, can I?" The wink he gives is playful and challenging, an effortless slide into casual conversation.

"I think you just did?" Jensen laughs.

"Smart ass." Jared scowls at him but it's clear he isn't giving up so easy.

"Fine, whadda ya wanna know?"

Jared's expression changes instantly, like someone just wiped it clean with an eraser. He's serious again, and the whole mood in the room changes with him.

Growing anxious, Jensen is about ready to ask him again when Jared looks up. That same sadness from the other day is back, but this time it's different-- more pure somehow. More sincere.

"Do you," Jared says, his words trailing off as he looks back down to his feet. He bites his lip; his fingers digging tight into the fabric of the bed like he's trying to muster enough courage to ask. Apparently it works, because a beat later he raises his head, a newfound determination burns deep behind his eyes. "Do you like me?"

The room seems to grow smaller, almost suffocating as Jensen's head hits the wall again. His throat clenches and he can already feel the beads of cold sweat beading all over his body. Out of all the questions he was trying to guess at, that wasn't even in his top twenty. And yet now it's the most obvious, and he's kicking himself that he didn't prepare for this.

"'I," he sputters out, not sure how to phrase it, so he goes for the platonic response. "Of course I like you, you and Danni are my best friends, Jared."

That is most definitely not the thing Jared wants to hear. "Bullshit, and you know that's not what I asked, Jensen. Now give me an honest answer. Do you like me?"

He can't think, can't get words to form. His eyes wander over the ceiling in a silent prayer as to what to do, what to say. And that's when it happens.

There's a dip of the bed, his knees separate to allow the unexpected weight that's pushing against him. Jared's hand wraps around the back of his head, their eyes lock-- Jensen unsure of what's going on, his mind lost somewhere.

Jared moves gradually closer, his breath hitting Jensen's chin in warm bursts of air, the scent of cinnamon tickling his nose; the tip of his nose grazes his cheek. Their lips touch, light at first-- hesitant-- before Jared crushes into him, his lips pressed tightly against his own.

Jensen's eyes grow wide, trying to understand how they got here. Jared places his hand on Jensen's chest as if he were trying to will it back into its proper rhythm, then relaxes. His lips part, and press in further, and again. Without realizing it, Jensen mirrors his every move, then tilts to allow Jared even closer, their mouths slotting together in perfect unison.

Oh god, we're kissing! The realization snaps something deep inside Jensen, his body relaxes completely. His eyes close and he grinds up into Jared, lets his tongue slip out to touch the soft skin of Jared's upper lip.

Jared chuckles and then he's kissing Jensen again, harder and rougher-- like he wants to devour him completely. And then he pulls away, lingers a foot away from Jensen. Jensen lets his eyes open, he scans Jared's face, his smile, and it all suddenly becomes clear.

"Yes," he says, sure this time.

It's Jared's turn to be confused this time, Jensen sees it in his face-- that clueless blank stare that makes Jared completely innocent and endearing.

"I like you, Jared."

"Yeah, I was kinda hoping... otherwise this would have been kind of awkward, huh?" he laughs, puts a hand on each of Jensen's now open thighs.

"Maybe just a little bit," he laughs along with him. "So, about these drawing lessons?"

"Oh, right. Those... Yeah, I lied. I just used that as an excuse to get to your comics." Jared tumbles backward and grabs and the first plastic sleeved cover and pulls. Sitting back up, he grins. "Man, I used to have this one."

That is probably even more surprising than the kiss they just shared, Jensen looks down to see what he has exactly. "Dude, you really don't need to impress me by faking comic book love. Trust me."

"Bitch, please." Jared carefully slides the copy of X-force from its sleeve. "This is the one where Sauron kills Cannonball but--"

"--Sam's not really dead," Jensen finishes for him.

"Sure he is, he just doesn't stay dead. He's an X-ternal, or so they make you believe. They kinda dropped the hole plot, though. Guess some whiny-ass Hollywood guy said they ripped off Highlander, or some shit." Jared flips through the book, his fingers barely touching the pages as he cradles it in his other hand.

"Wow," Jensen says, clearly impressed. "You ain't half bad, Padalecki. Not bad at all."

"Yeah, I'm kinda awesome." Jared shrugs, still looking through the book. "Don't tell anyone though, I'd like to keep my mystique." He then bends over to kiss Jensen again, careful not crease the book as the bed sinks.

Jensen grins into the kiss, appreciative of Jared even more now.

"He is, y'know," Jensen says, his words lost somewhere in between their mouths and tongues.

"Is what?" Jared mumbles back, his hand lightly stroking at Jensen's rib through his shirt.

"An X-ter--" He doesn't manage to finish his sentence. Jared's leaning them back down to the bed, and crawling on top of him and Jensen's only too eager to let him.

Yeah, this is something he could definitely get into.


— § —

Jensen cracks his eyes open to see the dust motes floating lazily in the streak of sunlight shining through the window. He doesn't move, just lies there watching, staring. Behind him the bed shifts and a hand worms its way under his to wrap around his stomach and pull him closer.

Jared nuzzles his head against the collar of Jensen's shirt collar. Jensen can tell he's still asleep by the way he's breathing, light and airy breaths over the skin of his neck. And even through their clothes, Jensen can feel the heat radiating from him. He can't be bothered by it, in fact he scoots back further into it.

He looks down to Jared's hand and smiles; he's never felt so at peace and safe in his life as he does in this very moment. Trying not to disturb him, Jensen lightly wraps his hand over Jared's wrist and closes his eyes, lets himself drift back to sleep.

— § —




"So like, what? You're together now?" Danneel looks from Jared back to Jensen, mixture of shock and delight in her eyes. "Oh my God, guys, that is so-- Oh my God!"

She can barely contain herself as she hops out of the chair and hugs and kisses each of them. Subtlety is not one of her virtues; they are already drawing attention from all around the cafeteria.

"Tell me everything. No skimming past all the juicy bits either, a girl knows when she's being scammed." She takes her place back at the table, leans her head on her knuckles as she eagerly anticipates every word.

"S'up queers?" Justin's voice grates on Jensen like nails to chalkboard. He flips a chair around backwards and takes a seat, Mike stands to his left, arms crossing as if to intimidate.

"Aren't you one lackey short? What's the matter, still sore after Tom told you to go screw yourself?" Danneel glares at him.

Jensen can sense Jared's body go taut, ready to pummel him at any moment. He reaches under the table, squeezes Jared's hand to calm him. Jared's eyes look down and then back to him, a hint of a smile behind them.

"You gonna let the little lady fight your battles for you? God, you've both got dicks, you'd think one of you would have the balls to go along with 'em. Freaking fags."

Jared snaps his head back to Justin and forces through clenched teeth, "I warned you--"

He's about to stand but Jensen is too fast. Rounding the table, Jensen punches him square in the jaw. Justin falls from the chair and Jensen hurries to climb on top of him so he can't move, wraps his fingers deep in his collar and cocks his fist back to punch again.

Justin's eyes are wide with shock, and the surprise of Jensen finally having enough has him scared shitless by the way he's shaking. The skin of his lip is broken and already starting to bleed. He narrows his eyes, finally, as he comes out of it. "Go ahead, Ackles. Hit me again, see what happens. Watch your dad throw your own ass out of this school like the worthless piece of..."

"You know what, Justin. I really don't give a fuck. I have had enough of your shit. Yeah, I'm not some spoiled brat and maybe I am gay. What fucking business is it of yours?"

"That is enough!" Alan's voice comes out of nowhere. "Jensen, let him go."

Jensen glances up, sees his dad step into view. He lets go of Justin's shirt instantly and with Jared's help, climbs off of him.

Justin hurries to stand, smug smile growing over his face as he brushes out the wrinkles. "Sir, I would like to formally request that Mr. Ackles here be brought to the disciplinary board for assaulting a fellow student."

"Mr. Hartley. Justin, is it? I am only going to tell you this one time, keep your mouth shut."

"But sir, I--" Justin is even more surprised than a few minutes ago, apparently both Ackles turning on him in one day is incomprehensible for him.

"Mr. Beaver, please escort Mr. Hartley to my office and have my secretary call his parents for me," Allan says, leaning slightly to face the teacher.

"My father is not going--"

"Son, your father is not in any position to do much of anything these days. You are nothing but a bully, Mr. Hartley. I have more than a dozen students willing to come forward to justify your expulsion and I plan on doing so. You may think you are better than anyone else here, but I assure you are not. We here at Lakewood will not tolerate such behavior, regardless of social status and former alumni. I will see you in my office."

Mr. Beaver grabs Justin by the shoulder and leads him off, a stream of curses screaming through the halls as they disappear.

Alan turns to look at Jensen. "As for you, young man. I wish you would have come to me about this rather than having to hear it from your classmates. Violence is never the answer and I do not condone your actions here today. But I am your father, Jensen, I know it's hard living here and that we don't always see eye to eye with each other, but I do love you and I am proud of you. Always remember that."

"Sorry," Jensen says. "And I know, I should've."

Alan smiles at him, his hard demeanor softening for a second. "So, there will be no more cutting class and neither of you are to get into any trouble what-so-ever for the remainder of the term, do you hear me?" He points his finger between the two of them.

"Yes sir," Jensen says as Jared stands wooden and petrified by his side.

Alan's eyes fall to where they are holding hands and then back to Jensen,. "Good for you, son. Good for you."

"Thanks, dad."


— § —


"Will you c'mon already, they aren't gonna wait forever," Jensen says, his impatience growing.

"I've been thinking, maybe this is something that can just be yours. We don't have to share everything, y'know."

"Oh, just get your ass out here. You aren't gonna fall, I promise."

There's a groan behind him and Jared spills out onto the roof causing the pigeons to scatter. "Graceful, I give it a four," Jensen says, smirking after he finishes shaking his head. "Here." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the small container of food and puts it into Jared's hand and then sits.

"What do I do?" Jared's scooting closer to the wall, still far from being comfortable enough to sit out as far as Jensen is.

"Take some out and sprinkle, they'll do the rest, genius."

"Why do I like you again exactly?" Jared says as he fights to pry off the lid.

"You find me dark, mysterious, and completely and utterly charming," Jensen says and scoots back up to Jared, butts their shoulders. "That and I have a really great ass."

"Oh, right. You forgot humble." Jared grins up at him and finally managing to get the lid off. Seeds and crumbs fall all over his lap and legs and the pigeons waste no time pecking, one flying down from the eave and perching on Jared's knee cap. It cocks its head and coos softly as it looks him over, making sure he isn't a threat.

"He's with me, Hugo," Jensen says to the bird. "Behave."

"Hugo? You named them?"

"Some of 'em, yeah. Besides Danni and my dad, these guys are practically family." Jensen dips his fingers into the box and lets the seeds roll down into palm. He holds his hand steady as one of the pigeons climbs on and begins to eat.

"How the hell do you tell them apart?"

"Umm. Hugo here has a spot of white just under his eye. The rest I kinda guess, to be honest." Jensen says and points to small dot.

Hugo pecks at the feed along Jared's leg, making him laugh. Soon another bird joins in, and then another.

"Hah, that tickles." The sound of Jared's laughter is the best thing in the world to Jensen, maybe only second to the dimples in his smile, neither of which Jensen can get enough of.

When the seeds are gone, the pigeons fly back to the edge of the roof, almost like they're giving the boys privacy. Jensen reaches over and grabs his box, snaps the lid on tightly before sliding it into his pocket.

"So, how would you feel about you and me sneaking into town on Saturday, maybe catch a movie, get some dinner. I hear Thor is awesome. You ask me, this place is kinda stifling. It'd be nice to get out there in the real world for a while, y'know, just the two of us."

"Seriously? Like a real life honest-to-god date?" asks Jensen. Jared just nods in reply, transfixed on a bird as it lifts a wing to groom its feathers.

"I think I would love that," Jensen says as he shimmies up to him, butts against his shoulder and weaves his fingers through Jared's.

Without a warning the birds take off all at once, flying away as both boys watch as they disappear into the sky. Jensen grips Jared's hand even tighter and thinks that maybe, just maybe, this place isn't so bad after all.